Lamar Odom Not Missing: Reportedly Trapped Inside Kardashian Sister's Backside

For a heart-wrenching and Internet-rattling 72 hours, NBA journeyman Lamar Odom was proclaimed "missing" by a hopeful rabid media world starved and salivating for the next tragic quasi-celebrity ending to report on.

It had been reported that Odom was battling a drug addiction problem and that drug quite possibly could be the incredibly addictive crack cocaine, which many believed had gone out of style along with Hammer-pants, Cross Colors, and Blossom.

Many feared the worst as former teammates and fans wished him well and worried as Odom curiously ducked out of sight.

Apparently, says Odom, he was hiding in plain sight.

"It's crazy...one minute I'm sitting on the couch and then I wake up and I'm in this dark, dark place."

Reportedly, Kim Kardashian -- who had been visiting her sister, Odom's wife, Khloe -- sat down on the couch to put on her shoes, not realizing that Odom was already laying there taking a nap. It was then that Odom became wedged between Kardashian's expansive, expensive buttox.

"I kept yelling and making noise to try and let people know I was stuck, but nobody heard me. I couldn't even reach my cellphone. I thought it was all finally over for me...that I would never see Matt Barnes or Kobe again. It was really sad."

Eventually, Odom would be dislodged during a perfect storm of coincidences. While Attempting to remove her shoes, Kardashian sneezed, just as she reached down to unbuckle one of her shoes. Odom came tumbling out and was immediately taken to a nearby hospital for observation.

Kim Kardashian illustrates the location where doctors say Odom was lodged

The Kardashian Family released a statement through a family friend.

"We are so glad that Lamar has been found and we really look forward to cherishing the time that we have with him once he completes his 12-step-shower program and the hospital takes him off of quarantine."

Odom is expected to resume his unremarkable NBA career later this year.