Thursday, September 5, 2013

Foursome Of Domestic Violence Charges Bring Shame To Players, NBA

I don't really have the time to properly express my disgust over all of disgraceful behavior by so many professional athletes in recent months (never mind Miley), so let's just take a sample of the past 35 days and focus only on the NBA...

Would you believe that no fewer than FOUR players (well, three and an ex-player, anyway) were picked up for charges of domestic violence? Yup, it's true.

Those four offenders were:

Craig Ehlo, former Cleveland Cavalier star who is best known for being the defender that Michael Jordan shot over to bury "The Shot", now having been arrested in early August for domestic violence....
Craig Ehlo both on and in court

Boston Celtics Forward Jared Sullinger, who hasn't been on a court in months after back surgery but who landed in a court just days ago for domestic assault...
Jared Sullinger, Boston Celtics

Marginal Oklahoma City Thunder player DeAndre Liggins, domestic assault...
DeAndre Liggins of the Oklahoma City Thunder

And, most recently, NBA player Royce White, who has yet to actually play an NBA game because of a severe anxiety disorder that prevents him from flying, has been charged with domestic violence. Now, instead of an inspirational story, he's potentially just another felon.
Royce White, former inspiration, now just another NBA player facing domestic violence charges

Wednesday, August 28, 2013

Lamar Odom Not Missing: Reportedly Trapped Inside Kardashian Sister's Backside

For a heart-wrenching and Internet-rattling 72 hours, NBA journeyman Lamar Odom was proclaimed "missing" by a hopeful rabid media world starved and salivating for the next tragic quasi-celebrity ending to report on.

It had been reported that Odom was battling a drug addiction problem and that drug quite possibly could be the incredibly addictive crack cocaine, which many believed had gone out of style along with Hammer-pants, Cross Colors, and Blossom.
Many feared the worst as former teammates and fans wished him well and worried as Odom curiously ducked out of sight.
Apparently, says Odom, he was hiding in plain sight.

"It's crazy...one minute I'm sitting on the couch and then I wake up and I'm in this dark, dark place."

Reportedly, Kim Kardashian -- who had been visiting her sister, Odom's wife, Khloe -- sat down on the couch to put on her shoes, not realizing that Odom was already laying there taking a nap. It was then that Odom became wedged between Kardashian's expansive, expensive buttox.
"I kept yelling and making noise to try and let people know I was stuck, but nobody heard me. I couldn't even reach my cellphone. I thought it was all finally over for me...that I would never see Matt Barnes or Kobe again. It was really sad."
Eventually, Odom would be dislodged during a perfect storm of coincidences. While Attempting to remove her shoes, Kardashian sneezed, just as she reached down to unbuckle one of her shoes. Odom came tumbling out and was immediately taken to a nearby hospital for observation.
Kim Kardashian illustrates the location where doctors say Odom was lodged
The Kardashian Family released a statement through a family friend.

"We are so glad that Lamar has been found and we really look forward to cherishing the time that we have with him once he completes his 12-step-shower program and the hospital takes him off of quarantine."

Odom is expected to resume his unremarkable NBA career later this year.

Sunday, August 25, 2013

Rex Ryan REALLY Puts His Foot In It This Time

So...according to multiple outlets, the time has come for the New Jersey York Jets to allow their pal with the penchant for podiatry to put one foot in front of the other and walk out for good (See? See again? And, See  again, also too?).

Dipping only my toe into the murky water that is the story of Rex Ryan, let me kick things off with a brief recap of the coach's latest misstep.
Fumbling around this offseason (again) with the position of starting quarterback, Ryan attempted to skip over the disappointment known as Mark Sanchez and start rookie upstart Geno Smith. The problem has been that when he has been thrust into the starting lineup, Smith has seemed unable to get his footing in the battle for top QB against Sanchez. Along the way, Ryan has done nothing to kick away the perception that he is grasping at straws as he works to stomp on whatever confidence the former "Sanchize" has left in him.
But this time, the Big Bipedophile has really stepped in it. Following another stankshow by the uncooked rook Smith, Ryan inserted what is clearly his best current option in Sanchez behind a line of wannabes and really shouldn't-be second liners in a meaningless fourth quarter pre-season football game with just enough time left to watch him get taken out injured after getting pounded into the turf. By making that brainless call, he may have put the proverbial foot in his multi-verbial mouth.
Now, the team is scrambling for scraps in the "is-there-a-job-for-me-in-the-NFL?" netherworlds to try and shore up what is now a desperately thin QB corps.

My, how the mighty arches have fallen! The team owners must now search their soles to find out whether to punt their controversial coach or hope he can still toe the line as he tries to get back on the good foot and stop acting like a heel.
As one Wes Welker once said, it appears that Toerannesaurus Rex might soon be suffering the agony of De-Feet as the other shoe falls and he gets booted out of town.

Friday, August 23, 2013

Stunned By "Ben Affleck As Batman" Reports, Patriots Mauled By Lions

Following their mysteriously uncompetitive 40-9 loss to the Detroit Lions, it appears that the culprit behind the New England Patriots' uncharacteristic stinker emanated from a source close to their own backyard.
Reports say that during warm-ups, news spread about Hollywood's choice of local boy-made-good Ben Affleck to take on the role of The Batman in the upcoming Superman sequel, which led to a team-wide collapse as players discussed the merits of "Good Will Hunting as Batman" and other possible acting choices.

Following the game, Patriots Quarterback Tom Brady addressed the media, though he still appeared to be distracted by the news.
"Look, I take responsibility for our team not performing the way that we...I mean, come on, though...Ben Affleck?!? BEN AFFLECK??!! As Batman?!? Jeez...I could see The Submariner or maybe Martian Manhunter...I mean, I even liked Daredevil a little bit. But Batman? I'm sorry...what was the question?" 
Brady declined to comment on rumors that Gisele Bundchen was being considered for Batgirl.

Thursday, August 22, 2013

Lowlights, Lowlives And Lowered Standards: Sports Violence Should Not Be A Game

Since this is a brand-new blog and I intend to keep things relatively light around here, I am unsure if this is the forum for such decidedly unfunny commentary. But, sometimes...like any good success story, you have to start at the bottom of things before you can rise up to the top.

That, and the fact is, there's no real way to make light of some of these unfortunate stories...

As completely done as we all are with the non-stop carousel of performance enhancing drug abusers across the pro sports world -- Von Miller of the Denver Broncos, Miguel Tejada of the Kansas City Royals, and, of course, Alex Rodriguez of the Yankees and Ryan Braun of the Milwaukee Brewers, it still boggles the mind that anyone thinks that they can continue stay under the radar while clearly violating the rules of an increasingly intolerant business.


But, as disappointing and sad as these cheaters of the game are, there are far more serious problems that have become far too common in the world of sports. Depending on who you are and which sport you enjoy, violence is part of the game. Whether it's boxing or one of its extended fighting permutations, or hockey, football and other aggressive, highly contested sport (which is just about all of them), there is a certain amount of physical pain that viewers expect (and rabidly anticipate in some areas). The merits of bloodlust in sports can be debated until the cows come home (and probably will be), but probably only the psychopaths would argue that it should be allowed to spill into the private lives of jocks or even those who only sit on the sidelines and watch them.


Among the more mild cases that were reported on this past week include a mutual domestic violence charge and joint stay in jail for Denver Nuggets guard Ty Lawson and his girlfriend Nicole Pettiford. Apparently, police arrived at their home following a call that reported screaming and loud noises emanating from their residence where they found the couple in the midst of a loud argument during which they smashed cellphones and property, though neither were injured. The fact that there doesn't appear to be any physical abuse from either side is the only reason that this doesn't rank higher with respect to the many heinous acts by athletes or sports-related figures that made the headlines in recent days and weeks. Far too many athletes engage in or have engaged in abusive behavior toward a loved one or several loved ones, but this seems to be a case of a loud verbal altercation that led to police action. They should both be ashamed that they let it come to matching orange jumpsuits.

Lawson and Pettiford in prison orange 
And, while the case of the Houston Texans' Antonio Smith could have ended in such a terribly different fashion, he was lucky enough to have missed when he tore the helmet off of an opposing player and then attempted to use it to hit said player in the face. Look, nobody's kidding anybody about football...it is by necessity, a brutal, violent sport in which the main goal is to physically crush and smash the opposition on each and every possession. Again, people can argue the merits of the sport itself (as they can and should the continued acceptance of brawling during hockey games), but, even in the exacting realm of gridiron gladiators, taking a dangerous and even deadly instrument and attempting to use it to inflict intentional damage to an opponent is rightly disdained.


But, for all of these shameful situations, as disheartening as they are to sports purists and parents struggling to teach their kids to have strong moral values, there are some things that are just completely devoid of any reasonable explanation or understanding.

By now, many people know about the sociopathic horror that is Aaron Hernandez, formerly of the New England Patriots. Essentially, he is being charged for murder, illegal gun possession and multiple other acts of scumbaggery. His history of past violence and rental of a widely reported upon flophouse appear to mark him as an especially rancid piece of garbage.

Murder victim Odin Lloyd
Disgraced, disgusting and detestable former Olympian Oscar Pistorius was finally indicted in the murder of his girlfriend and this was six months overdue. If there is any justice for Reeva Steenkamp, his conviction won't take nearly as long.

Accused murderer Oscar Pistorius
And then, there are people (if that term can still be used to categorize him) who seem to be the physical embodiment of the pure and rotting evil that lurks inside of them like the son of former Red Sox great and current broadcaster Jerry Remy, Jared. As much as it sickens me to give him any extra ink, even if it's used to condemn him, it's important to keep talking about domestic violence and searching for answers that can help to change the culture that continues to be so permissive of it.

Convicted abuser and accused murderer Jared Remy
The illness of violence that permeates the sports world is really just a microcosm of our far-too-violent society. It's reflected in the almost routine coverage of the latest school shooting tragedy (or attempt) or mass act of violence like the Boston Marathon Bombing, Aurora shooting, Sandy Hook, and Columbine, and it's reflected in the daily violence that is now beyond routine and sadly commonplace in communities that have been socially and economically neglected.

How else to explain the story of three kids -- and make no mistake about it, these boys ARE children, killing a promising young athlete as he jogged by and offering no other explanation for their heinous, cruel act than that they were "bored."

Murder Victim Christopher Lane
As angry as I find myself at Lane's murderers, I have to sit back and ask myself: are these kids worse than the Robert Zimmermans of the world? Charles C. Roberts? What about the leaders of the murderous regimes that are responsible for past and present genocide around the world? What about sending men and women to die and kill others in wars promoted under false pretenses

Obviously, the question of violence -- in all of its shapes and forms -- has answers and solutions that are extremely complex and elusive, whether it be on the field or in the streets. But, maybe the time has finally come for each of us to begin looking into the mirror to find that person who will begin to lead us back from the brink of darkness so that our children can start to believe that sport is only a game and a life of peace is something worth winning.

Saturday, August 17, 2013

Expanded Instant Replay In Major League Baseball? What A Great Ideazzzzzzzzzzzzzz......

This past week, Major League Baseball Commissioner Bud Selig announced that the expanded use of instant replay (which would allow, among other things, for managers to challenge an umpire’s call) would be instituted in 2014. Much as it is in football, there will be certain restrictions placed upon managers with respect to how much and at what volume they can use the challenge.
 
Needless to say, this is a GREAT idea. Besides potentially saving a pitcher’s perfect game from the ruinous flailing hands of an off-base (pun intended, I assure you) umpire or magically pulling the series-winning final out from the garbage bin loaded with historically blown calls, there are at least five other things that baseball-watchers might be thankful for.
 
5- Now, you’ll be able to watch in super slo-mo the exact moment when (insert the latest A-Roid-esque player of the moment) gives himself the power boost injection before fighting the Batman sending one to the cheap seats.
4- You will now be able to get some truly meaningful shuteye at any point in the first seven innings instead of those brief three-inning catnaps, and still catch the last nineteen or so outs of the game.
(From: "TheScore.com")
3- More school-aged kids can go to night games AND complete their three hours of homework without missing much (if any) action.
2- Teams will be able to use their star pitchers in more games because of the extra recovery time.
 
And, Finally...
 
1- Umpires will now get an extra chance to REALLY blow the call.
 

Friday, August 16, 2013

Maybe The Cowboys Should Start Benjamin Franklin

Okay, Dallas Cowboys haters (that would be almost everyone living anywhere outside of Dallas)...the bad news is, according to Forbes Magazine, the Dallas Cowboys are still the most financially viable franchise in the NFL seven years running.

The good news?

They still start THIS guy at QB...

Proving They Mean Business This Year, Sixers Cancel All Holidays

It's true...
 
See?

The Sixers recently completed the rare feat of dumping two brothers in the same offseason by parting ways with not one but two Holidays in Jrue (rising young star) and Justin (just young) this offseason in a move that seems to say, "Get ready to work, guys...there are no more Holidays, so there are no more days off!" But, 76ers management didn't stop there...earlier this summer, they wisely decided that $16 million was just too much to pay for supertall aging mascot, hair model and Playboy Andrew Bynum just to smile at the paying customers from the front row. 

The good news? For those Sixer fans who feel that they never truly got to experience and appreciate that special feeling of having a big man laden with high expectations and a low down dirty knee, the exit of All-Star Jrue Holiday made way for the arrival of Rookie Nerlens Noel. Apparently, Philly management liked the idea of adding another big with a bad wheel teeming with the great, untapped talent of professional bench-sitting so much that they scoured the college ranks to find the kind of young, injured player who could sit on a bench and frustrate fans and coaches alike for years to come.

Ladies and gentlemen...the 76ers are BACK!